Saturday 20 February 2010

Look up

It's astonishing how your feelings and perspectives can change easily just by making a list. I am talking about the pros and cons sort of list.

The first list of pro and cons I made is when I was 15-16 years old. That was when I had my first boyfriend. It's quirky as at that particular time I was considering the beautiful things he did for me also about him between the not so keen for my self-esteem and wounded thing for my emotions. In a more direct manner, it was a broke up list. And it's funny (but not in laughable manner), from the list I decided to give up the relationship.

I remember another list (but more like a statement) about the intern I did back home, just before I started my foundation. The list has became more like a venting, as in the end I gain a lot from the place which helped me tremendously afterwards. By the way, I tore it and threw it away (because my mom found out when she did the washing).

I supposed I learn something about me out of this is that I like to re-organize (whether it is my wardrobe, my drawers, my books alphabetically, my room, my boxes, or even my life) when I am at the lowest point. I need to feel a firm grip in my life when I am helpless.

I am still reading eat, pray and love. I intentionally read it slowly and take my own sweet time finishing it (I have this habit see, I wont try to finish a book if it's intrigued my mind poignantly). I supposed most women can connect to what she had gone through in the book (as I am right now).
"Guilt's just your ego's way of tricking you into thinking that you're making moral progress. Don't fall for it my dear." -- Vivian former Catholic nun in South Africa

Just like Elizabeth said, I too have been do a lot with guilt. I always weave my selfish wants and then reason them with guilt.



Thursday 11 February 2010

Don't look this way

Time, tell me the truth

I don't like you.

It's not that you are every nice things
It's not that you are cheerful

It's the way you make me feel

I don't like you.

You make feel I'm wrong

I don't like you.

You captured my truth

Memories aren't cruel
Bond is

I can't escape

I don't like you.

You make me stay

I don't like you.

You refused to listen

I don't like you.

You ignored my pleas

I don't like you.

You silence my voice

I don't like you.

You shut my soul

I don't like you.

You push me to bleed

I don't like you.

You let me taste bitter salt

I don't like you.

You love one side of me

I don't like you

I am not you nor yours.

Wednesday 10 February 2010

I wish I was not your last button

Too many senses I can't breath
In this rush tide, I'm flooded.

I cant move
I cant reach

The only way is to follow
but...

I cant fit
I dont match

Will atleast once the tidal change it's course
Just once...

Give me a hole
So that the flow may consider to change




I wish I was the sky's favourite shooting star, not the sun

Just once again...







I know that you love me, but I wish you were in love with me.

Sunday 7 February 2010

Fill these spaces up with days
in my room you can go you can stay

I can't sleep
I can't speak to you
I can't sleep

Now these years locked on my drawer
I'll open to see just to be sure

I can't sleep
I can't speak to you
I can't sleep

And so i'm reaching out for the one
And so i've learned the meaning of the sun
And all this like a message comes to shift my point of view
And watching through my own light
As it tints the shade of you

Hold my wine hold it in
Nobody's lost but nobody wins

And I can't sleep
I can't speak to you
I can't sleep

And so i'm reaching out for the one
And so i've learned the meaning of the sun
And all this like a message comes to shift my point of view
And watching through my own light
As it tints the shade of you

I cant sleep, I cant speak to you
I cant sleep, I cant speak to you
I cant sleep, I cant speak to you
I cant sleep, I cant speak to you
I cant sleep, I cant speak to you
I cant sleep, I cant speak to you

Saturday 6 February 2010

Émotion privée

Merci d'attirer mon attention, merci de partager votre bel amour, merci de me vouloir dans votre vie.
Merci de tout que vous êtes vers moi.

Je te dis cela je t'aime chaque fois, mais échouer malheureux pour exprimer it' ; la signification la plus vraie de s.Les sentiments qui ont allumé le feu dans mon esprit et apportent la paix à mon coeur.

Vous êtes égoïste pourtant affectueusement tendre. Vous me donnez tout dont je veux et ai besoin, et refrain tout qui me gardent de sentir faiblement la tristesse. Je sais maintenant ce que signifie il pour que quelqu'un ombrage une certaine lumière à votre vie

Votre sourire fait mon coeur aspire à vous.
Votre rire me remplit avec joie.
Votre seule présence chauffera n'importe quelle pièce.
Juste vous s'asseyant près de moi me donnez la facilité.
Quand vous regardez ma manière, je sens le monde tremblant.
Quand vous me tenez étroitement, je me sens complètement pour appartenir.

Vous êtes ma maison...

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