Unwell

Its been long since I have stop indulging in the therapeutic alone time. I used to like reading books, fictional one especially just because its my escapade from my plain somewhat barren real life. Although, I was very happy and I was full of dreams. I used to enjoy drawing and sometime if I was in very lively mood I would do a bit of step-up from just using a pencil and sketch book. I was passionate about anything to do with japanese from food, culture, shinto belief and mostly manga/anime. I would always argued with my elders about the "fun" and intriguing it is from their communism history impact to our country (I think racism starts from having countries authoritarian possessive histories). I complete stop that right after my summer ended. Part of me suddenly just died there. I think it is dying before that but I do feel maybe it completely died from that end of summer. I am not yearning for that past but I think I haven't forgiven yet. Who and what exactly I m still not sure.

I also once believe we can do anything, anything that we think we can't is just an excuse to avoid... what?

Am I happy compared to my life before? Do I need to see which is "more" in that? I need to know what/where/when went wrong. I do know it didn't started as "sudden", it all begins by my gradual decisions whether it is a wrong one or mistake one, probably karma as well.

12.12.2010

Bedhair

Applying architectural term into Mon cherie's maddening displeasing morning hair.

Front Elevation/ Plan View

Side Elevation

Uh-oh!

Home

I supposed I'm a little too excited, I feel like brand new all of the sudden. Well, not sudden to be honest. I finally getting two amazingly considerate Imperial girls to be my housemates, and hopefully a place we all decidedly satisfy with. I already saw one, and I'm praying Fara would feel the same way as I am about the location and condition. I know its a couple station further away from the original area. But taking into the account all the pros, I dearly hope she wouldn't mind the cons of traveling.

I cant stop day dreaming though especially about Ridhwan coming to stay over the vacations *giggling like a school girl. I'm not gonna go into detail since I once read somewhere what you put on the net stays forever which leads to invitation for the psychotic stalker to do some ummmm stalking, *again giggling hehehehhee.

Anyyyway, that is not why I'm posting new entry. I promised mon cherie I write something new (of course about him) and promised to myself since a couple of weeks ago but haven't got around to it, so here. Afterall, I can't sleep after 2 and half hour of POC3 with Cherie, the remaining 30 mins we slept until 1am, so while waiting for him to arrive home I might as well do this before anyone nags me to.

That's one of many reasons why i adore him perfectly. Aside from opening the passenger seat's door and cherishing me when I unreasonable upset feeling a little bit weighting at the wee hour and god I tell you he was snoring but he still tried to comfort me. This is what you will have gentlemen when your women is being visited by aunt irma every once a month. It's not only that, the day I arrived malaysia we listened to some random songs on the radio and one of it was "She's the one" and we both admitted that is one of our all-time fav song. I started to be childish and complain that he never dedicated the song to me, he then defended with forgetting and unromantically "nah, amik la song ni". I would feel a tad disappointed and he would always surprise me by singing the song, I know then the song is for me. Eventhough the things he done are unconsciously, they are all the things I'm grateful with, because he is forgiving for all the selfish things I want of him.

I love you, my Ridhwan.

Portsmouth Joke

At one of the bar. Unnie was looking at the menu, and of course it was mostly filled with alcoholic drinks.

Unnie : Hah! nie syg, tequilla shots

Fairuz-nii gave a short pause and the pretended to eagerly assent with the idea. I vaguely recall he replied something like "ade byk tu" (there's a lot there to choose from)

Unnie : yg ni.. tropical illusion... ni.. mojito.. and this..

Fairuz-nii: .............

Unnie : Hah! yang ni, perfect sex *with a cheeky smile*

Fairuz-nii : *smirking* daa ade.

=_= ;;

I kneel before You, O-the Infinite

Dear Allah,

It's me again. Firstly as usual, I wish to convey my thanks to the luxury You have emphatically grant for my well-being so far and still remember me by giving chances to repent myself. However, I am still lost (not in my belief surely, I pray so much I would never hesitate when it comes to You, insyaallah, I love You with my entire being).

Well, I am not here to nag you ( I do them in my prayers). I am here to humbly request you to give Shi-chan Your Strength and Your Ni'mat especially at this current moments. She is chasing her dreams (which I know I need not tell you), thus please please please give her a chance once again. I do strongly believe You know what's best, I am just here to pray for her as well. She is afterall I believe a "guardian angel" (I couldn't find any other suitable word for friend+sister+champion+protector+soulmate+trustee) You have the most kindness to comply me with. I pray you will let me keep this friendship until the end.

Yours truly

Thara L.

p.s.: Forgive me for not writing these more refine as I should.

GMT-0 24June 6.23p.m.

I was once been told not to let people see you cry, cause it will attracts pity.

I don't want to be pitied...


When you have seen so many tears, you become immune to it.









Everytime you ignore me, it made me feel bad
Everytime you got upset, it made me feel bad.
Everytime you point out my mistake, it made me feel bad.
Everytime you reason, it made me feel incompetent

































































































Now everytime I cry, you get frustrated...







I promise I wont cry infront of you ever again, I'm sorry.

Teasing Forest

Our bond is just a meeting between 2 worlds, a bridge we share but couldn't, wouldn't and never want to cross. Between us, we created a transparent wall, not to keep each other out but more to protect ourselves from each other...

But I'm facing a punishment, for letting myself be exposed at the front of your entrance, with naivety I forced myself to cross that bridge because I thought the grass is greener from the other side. Because of the difference, I didn't realize I am too square to fit among rectangular. I was a laughingstock, I guess. But I was saved... I think I was... ....... I think... I think... I still do think...