Look up

It's astonishing how your feelings and perspectives can change easily just by making a list. I am talking about the pros and cons sort of list.

The first list of pro and cons I made is when I was 15-16 years old. That was when I had my first boyfriend. It's quirky as at that particular time I was considering the beautiful things he did for me also about him between the not so keen for my self-esteem and wounded thing for my emotions. In a more direct manner, it was a broke up list. And it's funny (but not in laughable manner), from the list I decided to give up the relationship.

I remember another list (but more like a statement) about the intern I did back home, just before I started my foundation. The list has became more like a venting, as in the end I gain a lot from the place which helped me tremendously afterwards. By the way, I tore it and threw it away (because my mom found out when she did the washing).

I supposed I learn something about me out of this is that I like to re-organize (whether it is my wardrobe, my drawers, my books alphabetically, my room, my boxes, or even my life) when I am at the lowest point. I need to feel a firm grip in my life when I am helpless.

I am still reading eat, pray and love. I intentionally read it slowly and take my own sweet time finishing it (I have this habit see, I wont try to finish a book if it's intrigued my mind poignantly). I supposed most women can connect to what she had gone through in the book (as I am right now).

"Guilt's just your ego's way of tricking you into thinking that you're making moral progress. Don't fall for it my dear." -- Vivian former Catholic nun in South Africa

Just like Elizabeth said, I too have been do a lot with guilt. I always weave my selfish wants and then reason them with guilt.