Saturday, 20 February 2010

Look up

It's astonishing how your feelings and perspectives can change easily just by making a list. I am talking about the pros and cons sort of list.

The first list of pro and cons I made is when I was 15-16 years old. That was when I had my first boyfriend. It's quirky as at that particular time I was considering the beautiful things he did for me also about him between the not so keen for my self-esteem and wounded thing for my emotions. In a more direct manner, it was a broke up list. And it's funny (but not in laughable manner), from the list I decided to give up the relationship.

I remember another list (but more like a statement) about the intern I did back home, just before I started my foundation. The list has became more like a venting, as in the end I gain a lot from the place which helped me tremendously afterwards. By the way, I tore it and threw it away (because my mom found out when she did the washing).

I supposed I learn something about me out of this is that I like to re-organize (whether it is my wardrobe, my drawers, my books alphabetically, my room, my boxes, or even my life) when I am at the lowest point. I need to feel a firm grip in my life when I am helpless.

I am still reading eat, pray and love. I intentionally read it slowly and take my own sweet time finishing it (I have this habit see, I wont try to finish a book if it's intrigued my mind poignantly). I supposed most women can connect to what she had gone through in the book (as I am right now).
"Guilt's just your ego's way of tricking you into thinking that you're making moral progress. Don't fall for it my dear." -- Vivian former Catholic nun in South Africa

Just like Elizabeth said, I too have been do a lot with guilt. I always weave my selfish wants and then reason them with guilt.

1 comment:

Faze Badri said...

One thing for sure stop listing the good and bad, go with the flow, enjoy life freely and whatever happens take it as lesson learn. Nothing wrong to take things positively or negatively sometime coz that was what LIFE IS.. There's some ups and downs. :)

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